What Is & Isn’t
You Know, How I Know, You’re A Pro Domme?
Los Angeles Dominatrix Victoria Hunter, shares an article, from a well-seasoned male submissive, telling his perspective about the explosion of new women, entering the BDSM scene. Published by Tony Black, editor of FetPro, a Professional Mistress directory and fetish guide.
Tony Black | Special Guest | November 28, 2013
Editor’s note: this is a guest post submitted by a writer calling himself “red bottom fred.” I don’t know him, but decided to publish his post because it is interesting and thought-provoking. Please note that I don’t necessarily agree with anything “rbf” has to say; I merely present it, and invite the community at large to form their own opinions.
What exactly is a pro-domme? By red bottom fred
I decided to write this post because I think I’ve earned the right. I’ve been a submissive to professional mistresses for over 10 years. On average I have three professional sessions per month. This year with sessions, gifts, tributes, and by the time I finish with my holiday shopping list I will have spent just shy of $30,000. I do well but I am not what would be considered wealthy. Making an investment like that shows up in other areas of my life. Compared to other people in my income bracket I drive a crappier car and I have to limit myself on expenses for luxuries like dining out, buying toys like big screen TVs. But it is worth it to me because I get more satisfaction and enjoyment from serving women than from any material goods.
Domina Irene Boss is a consummate professional who I (red bottom fred) have had the good fortune to serve.
I mention this because I want you to know I am not someone that has had two or three sessions and thinks he is an expert or is someone who is disgruntled because he had one sessions that didn’t go his way. I have had literally hundreds of sessions over the years. Plus I have had the opportunity and privilege of servings dozens of pro-dommes. I live in the southeast US and serve two mistresses on a regular basis. But my work requires me to travel frequently and when I am on a trip, usually about once a month I almost always schedule a session where I am going. It may be with a dominant I have seen before or someone new. Many of my trips are to universities and they aren’t always in large cities. Sometimes this means I have a chance to find a lesser known pro-domme or someone who is just getting her start which is interesting. So I have had the chance to serve everyone from A-list pro-dommes to college girls doing paid sessions to help pay their tuition.Drawing from my experience with many pro-dommes over the years and some recent trends I have noticed, I wanted to write an open letter to pro-dommes everywhere. It seems like more than ever there is an explosion of new women coming into the scene. I see the experienced pro-dommes are noticing it too because they are talking about it in person and online.
Some even feel threatened by it and I know there are examples of pro-dommes getting into beefs with each other and spreading rumors, flagging ads, and other things to make trouble for their competition. But this stuff never works and always backfires. There are better ways to compete, like being a better professional than the other women you compete with.
You know how I know you’re a pro-domme? You can buy the costume, but it doesn’t make you a pro-domme. There’s a comedy bit in the movie, The 40-Year-Old Virgin where Seth Rogen and Paul Rudd trade quips like,“Do you know how I know you’re gay? Because I saw you make a spinach dip in a loaf of sourdough bread once.” You can see a clip of it on YouTube. In that spirit, I present to you my list of ways I can tell whether you are a pro-domme…
You’re recognized as a professional Anyone can call themselves a professional but it doesn’t mean other professionals will see you as an equal. Just because someone, somewhere, sometime paid you doesn’t make you a true professional. It only is true when fellow professionals recognize and accept you as one of their own. It’s pretty easy to see what “professional” dommes are part of the professional sisterhood, and which ones are considered outsiders or posers.
You’ve got a place to do business It’s one thing for a pro-domme who is on a tour away from her home city to take sessions in a hotel room. It gives her fans in that city the chance to kneel before her which they might not be able to do any other way. Otherwise, if you call yourself a professional that means you are running a business. This doesn’t mean you need an impressively equipped dungeon. But you need to have a private and secure place where you can have a session without being interrupted or disturbing others. If it’s not possible for you to do that where you live or borrow or rent space from one of your sister pro-dommes, then it is hard to call yourself a professional. You might be better off working for someone else in your area who is more established for a while before going independent.
A respected veteran, Mistress Victoria Hunter has been active on the professional scene since the 90′s.
You’ve got the tools of a professional Professional quality tools are the sign of a professional. I hope you wouldn’t let a mechanic work on your car with a bag of tools he got at the dollar store. So why do some “pro” dommes think they can charge someone $300 an hour to hit them with a kitchen spatula? I’m not saying that improvised and home brew implements don’t have a place in the toy bag of a professional but if you haven’t at least invested in a few high quality tools of your trade, that says to me you aren’t serious about what you do and it’s hard for me to take you seriously. I know that everyone has to start from scratch and good toys can be expensive but it doesn’t have to cost a fortune to buy some decent basics like leather cuffs, a collar, a good flogger, if you are resourceful. Then every time you have a session you should earmark part of the income from that session to invest in building up your collection of tools.
You’ve got the skills of a professional The funniest thing is seeing the ads and profiles of the girls who are 23 and say they have 5 years of bdsm experience. Sorry but playing games with your high school boyfriend doesn’t count. That may have started your interest in bdsm but it doesn’t qualify you to be a pro-domme. A professional in any trade must invest in their own training and development of skills. They have to constantly improve themselves by taking classes, seminars, workshops, reading books and so forth.
You act like a professional When I set down my tribute for a session of an hour or two, I should be the person getting your time and attention. That means not taking phone calls and sending text messages to whoever you’ll be seeing after me. That means not carrying on like a chatty Cathy about the mundane problems in your life. I can get that for $14 at Supercuts. It also means being ready to go at the time we have scheduled. Also it means being prepared with the supplies you need for whatever is planned and having your equipment cleaned and sterilized in good working order.
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What Is & Isn't - a ProDomme